Gonna Show Her My Oh-pra Face
I supposedly started writing here as an outlet to share my family with the world, and I’ve gotten away from that. On April 9th, 2009 at Nanny’s house my family watched an episode of Oprah about talking to your young daughters about sex. The following are bits of what ensued, I hope you enjoy…
(In response to hearing about sexting [sex texting])
Nanny: What’s sexted? What? Is it sex on the computer? I wanna do that.
…
Nanny: In my country you wouldn’t get passed first base!
…
Nanny: We girls in school thought we were smart, but we knew nothing about this oral sex. Nothing. Sex was just when a man and a woman got together, like to-geth-er you know, that was the only sex.
…
(While Oprah discusses on TV what to call masturbation)
Nanny (To my dad in the kitchen): Go inside. Go inside there and get some ice cream.
Me: You could call it that.
…
Jesse: What’s an erection?
Nanny: It’s when your penis goes up!
…
Nanny: Jesse, did you ever get an erection for no reason. Wha-I’m not even going to ask Zach that question.
Me: What is that even supposed to mean?
…
10 year old girl on TV: I didn’t, I didn’t know where the penis was supposed to go really.
Nanny: What?! What did you think? The ear?!
…
Nanny: Jesse, you have fun on your trip (to the Bahamas). You rem- No I’m not going to say it’s about his penis.
Me: Go! Go! Just say it.
Nanny: I don’t know. I was just going to tell him not to worry, that size means nothing.
***Editors Note: ^^^Personal favorite of the night***
…
Nanny: Little kids knocking a little ball around like a basketball they bounce on it, it feels good to them. So what, it feels good. You don’t need to talk to a psychiatrist.
…
Nanny: The bitches (female dogs) on the lower east side would just play on the street in heat and the males would come out and we wouldn’t need to be told about sex. We’d see it.
…
Nanny: In the old country you couldn’t get married if you weren’t a virgin. The family would check their sheets after the first night and see.
Mom: Uch! Too much information.
Me: Nanny’s referring to having your cherry popped.
Nanny: Yes I am. (Puts hand out to high five)
…
^^^Action Shot
^^^Clitoral Vibrators (teeheehee)
I don’t think there’s any coming back from this…
