My Christmas Gift To You!
Christmas day if you’re jewish is a weird day. There’s no reason it should be a day out of the ordinary for us, but it is. My mom has already declared that it’s Christmas Day so we should go celebrate it with Nanny. I get the sentiment, but at the same time I don’t. As I’m writing this my friend Ben just texted me, “Happy Thursday.” I think that sums up this day to us as a people best.
Last night my family sans Heather took part in the old Chinese food Dinner. Food was solid. The highlight of the meal for me was a toss up. The music playing at the restaurant was covers of songs by an asian woman set to Weather Channel music. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve heard “Every Breath You Take” sung to Muzak by Ang. However my Dad’s currently on a mission to get us to go with him to see Matasyahu in Williamsburg. Just wrap your head around that…
Just some random notes about my adventures over the last couple of days:
Sunday we celebrated Chanukah-
Poppy: (While being yelled at by Nanny) Stop! Lower your testerone already.
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Dad: (Commenting on a set of Jonas Brothers Dolls) If you press a button they dance and sing with each other…and kiss.
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Poppy explained how he had been calling his oncologist Dr. No, or as he described him, “The double oh seven with the cat in his lap,” when in fact he was just an oriental man by the name of Dr. Niu.
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My personal highlight of the day involved a conversation that took place between my grandma, sister, Jenni (cousin), and my sister’s friend about how you should never smoke or get into drugs. The conversation took a sharp turn somewhere.
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Nanny: Only once, once, when I was a grandma did I smoke the pot. I did it once with my cousins.
Mom: And there was the time I made you and Patty pot brownies.
Nanny: We didn’t ask for it. You just gave it to us.
Mom: (To Heather’s friend) Do you think your grandma hits the bong?
Nanny: What? What is hitting the bong?
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Don’t worry we explained to her what “Hitting the bong” meant.
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(For those who were wondering about the Fantasy Football team, it was a pretty lousy day. We ended up losing the match up by one point. Second place still paid out nicely.)
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I ended up in the city with my friend Adam, showing our exchange student apartment-mate, Kwan the Metropolitan Museum of Art the other day. Culture is pretty exhausting. Some of the stuff on display is interesting, but I don’t think you can describe the Met as exciting so I tried to lighten that place up. While in some Egyptian tomb I commented loudly that it was very interesting that the ancient Egyptians coated all of their structures with a layer of glass. An older Indian man and a tourist-y family of four laughed, and I’d like to think that was their highlight of the museum. My friend Adam was pretty impressed with most of what he saw, remarking so after everything we saw. I began questioning his standards though when after looking at a small map detailing the locations of resources in the Middle East he proclaimed it was “Really very amazing.”
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When I got home much later that night I found one of my sister’s friends in my bed. My first thought was that this must be an early Christmas present (JOKE) but my main concern was that I was kind of inebriated and mostly just exhausted from a day of strenuous walking and out of a bed.
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I crashed on my couch with the youngest cat of the house, who may or may not be suffering from a palsy. We call him Retard Face. It’s a term of endearment. The most recent mystery surrounding the little guy is a couple of days ago he was missing a clump of hair from the top of his head and was bleeding from the spot. My brother thinks he saw the cat run headfirst into the bed, but I call shenanigans on that because how would that rip hair out of his head. Either way, I petted his bald spot and went to sleep.
Right now I am at Nanny’s with the family watching “I Love Toys” on VH1. Nanny curses everytime Gilbert Godfried speaks, which is a response he must be used to by now. My Dad heard my brother talking to me about this blog and when I told him to find it on the internet himself he pressed the issue. This exchange ensued:
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Dad: I’m going to tell your mother about this.
Mom: Tell her what?
Me: How is that a threat? Go ahead and tell her.
Mom: Tell me what?
Dad: Zach has a blog.
Nanny: A blob!?
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There’s no greater Christmas joy than laughing out loud with your brother to a commercial for “Tool Academy.”
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MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIENDS!
