Yes We Can!
Last night was interesting? I know “interesting” is the cop out word but in this case I am copping out. I saw “Yes Man” under duress. It certainly wasn’t the worst movie ever, but it was on the wrong side of the 50th percentile. I just found it ironic that the moral of the movie was if you take chances on things you don’t want to do, good things will happen. I didn’t want to see “Yes Man” but did anyway and I was not rewarded with a good movie at all. I was only privy to the plot child of “Bruce Almighty” and “Liar, Liar,” and everyone knows when two people who are too closely related have a baby it often has physical and mental defects. “Yes man” is the retarded offspring of old Jim Carrey movies.
Before my night on the town I shoveled snow in front of the house when no one was home. It was out of boredom mostly, and I gave the credit to my brother. He wants to go to the Bahamas over spring break with his friends, and my parents have had no experience to date with a popular child that does normal teenaged things. This has somehow led into a dispute with side taking and name calling and ample amounts of arguing (alliteration). This shoveling initiative boded well for him. It earned him a hand shake from dad, while I received a “you’re a lazy bum.” Mom didn’t yell at him, which seems like a plus, and she didn’t yell at me either, so win-win. I know I am so selfless. I am the hero this house needs, even if it isn’t the one it deserves.
While that’s something of a joke and an allusion to the blockbuster movie The Dark Knight, there is also truth there. I am definitely the peace keeper of the house. Spending eight months out of sight and on neutral ground has made me the voice of reason. That’s why Sunday could mean trouble. I hate when other people talk about their fantasy football teams, so I won’t get into details. The team my brother, my dad, and I run despite seeming out of it all season has miraculously made it to the title game of the league we’re in. There is a lot of pointless pride and $$$ on the line this Sunday. Coincidentally this Sunday is also when my mom planned to have the annual Chanukkah gathering at our house. Moms has a history of being pissed off when we shun grandparents, cousins and family friends for hours while we stare intensely at a TV screen, stare intensely at a computer screen, stare intensely at a cell phone screen and then proceed to punch inanimate objects in both celebration and anger. Normally I steer my brethren away from such vices, but I’ve invested an ungodly amount of time, emotion and Sundays into this team to not watch the grand finale.
While finishing this mo-fucker off my dad rushing me to come with him to CVS provided the ending I was searching for.
Me: (grunted through clenched teeth) Could you please just give me 5 minutes?
Dad: That’s what she said.
There it is…
