Summer 09! Part One (My Bout With Swine Flu)
If Summer 08 followed these strict guide lines:
Then Summer 09 has so far gone as follows:
- Get Swine Flu
- Go On a Homo-erotic camping trip with 7 other guys <3
- Turn 21 at a Sweet 16
- Fall In Love
- Do tedious desk work at my Dad’s office
Unforunately facebook doesn’t have a “Swine flu-Gay Camping-Too Old To Be At A Sweet 16-Fall In Love” Bumper Sticker to link to quite yet. I tried to make it just now but doing anything on facebook that isn’t loading pictures or wall posts confuses me.
Summer 09 started like any other. My mom bitched about me sleeping on the couch all day, and how I single handedly took over the living room in 12 short hours. However on Tuesday, May 19th the unthinkable happened. After a fun filled afternoon at the mall with friends, and a night spent catching up and bowling I fell ill. It didn’t come as a huge surprise since my brother was sick before I even got home, and I sleep about a foot above him. The sickness left me devestated. I was immobile and my fate in the hands of day time television. I watched more TMZ then I’d care to admit (Eugene Levy, good guy…Chris Tucker, kind of a douche bag). My sickness left me helpless to stop the fact that I watched two hours of the American Idol finale where I got to see the third gayest Adam I know take on Kris, the unassuming, quiet kid that would spend months buttering up your girlfriend before they eventually hook up. I got to see Vanish “Anoop” Grover sing a duet with Jason Mraz, Queen Latifah sing a duet with Niecy Nash of Reno 911, and Steve Martin play the banjo eventually culminating in my sister asking, “Who is that old guy? No, wait? Oh, is he the guy from Cheaper By The Dozen?” It seems like The Jerk came out 150 years ago.
As Steve Martin’s career was dying, so was I. So the next day I went to the doctor where he discovered I had a 103 degree fever, that I should try eating (I hadn’t in four days) and that he assured me that it was not the dreaded, media hyped Swine Flu. (Whenever I heard the phrase Swine Flu I would just picture Pigma of Star Fox fame. I still do.) Regardless he decided to test me for “academic purposes” (his exact words) and proceded to shove a nasal swab up my nose. You don’t know how deep you can stick something into your nose until you have a middle aged man with a cotton swab attached to a long thin tube really go spelunking in there. The normal one day turn around at the lab was delayed by Memorial Day Weekend, and I wouldn’t learn my fate until Tuesday. Over the next couple of days my condition improved and by Saturday I was ready to go camping with my bros. I did in fact test positive for the H1N1, a hilarious revelation that did not come to light until after returning from the PA wilderness. I’m still trying to sculpt my bout with swine flu into a good pick up line. The best I got is “Swine Flu made my throat, limbs, body, and head ache, but baby, you’re making my heart ache.” OR “Even when I had Swine Flu and had no appetite for a week, I’d still eat you (WINK)”
That second one made me laugh out loud when I thought of it. I like when I think of things so stupid I amuse myself…Anyway I know those are rough, but they’re works in progress.
Part 2 of summer 09 (The Bromantic Getaway To Pennsylvania) should be coming soon. My Over 21 Drivers License came today so after getting a haircut I went to 7-11 and excitedly bought a 40 and now I have to figure out what I’m going to do with it.
