October 2009
1 post
Waiting In Line (Fixed)
Waiting in line 8:48 am - I’m currently waiting in line in central park for something called the Bacchae, which is apparently a play, for apparently another 5 hours. My girlfriend is asleep on a sleeping bag. Seeing as I started this site for my own amusement I figure why not delight my fans. 8:52 am It’s come to my attention I can’t edit posts on the iPhone, so instead of a running post I will...
August 2009
1 post
June 2009
1 post
Summer 09! Part One (My Bout With Swine Flu)
If Summer 08 followed these strict guide lines:
Then Summer 09 has so far gone as follows:
- Get Swine Flu
- Go On a Homo-erotic camping trip with 7 other guys <3
- Turn 21 at a Sweet 16
- Fall In Love
- Do tedious desk work at my Dad’s office
Unforunately facebook doesn’t have a “Swine flu-Gay Camping-Too Old To Be At A Sweet 16-Fall In Love” Bumper Sticker to...
April 2009
7 posts
Oh me!
allisons:
Zach: the US has gone fucking nuts since you left Zach: we’re up in arms about pirates and the news keeps covering tea tax protests Zach: : we’ve literally regressed to 1750
That Mr. X sounds like one handsome mother fucker! And I bet he smells like Diddy.
allisons:
Mr. X (11:45:53 PM): i feel like the crew of the titanic deciding which porn to move from my old computer to my new computer Ali: (11:47:16 PM): damn, you just spit out classics Mr. X (11:47:24 PM): bam bam bam I don’t think shielding your true identity is protecting you from anything here. The...
Gonna Show Her My Oh-pra Face
I supposedly started writing here as an outlet to share my family with the world, and I’ve gotten away from that. On April 9th, 2009 at Nanny’s house my family watched an episode of Oprah about talking to your young daughters about sex. The following are bits of what ensued, I hope you enjoy…
(In response to hearing about sexting [sex texting])
Nanny: What’s sexted? What?...
You Always Remember Your First
I can’t complain about my life. I’m not over worked or over burdened. I’m pretty well off, as are my friends and family. This year at school has been far and away the best of college. Aside from a disasterous class on Volcanoes/Earthquakes (More like natural diasterous!) I’ve pretty much enjoyed everything I took this year. When things have been going so well in general the...
(Real post coming tomorrow probably when I’m not falling asleep)
I officially can only speak in oddly contrived metaphors relating to TV…
Zach 12:13 AM
the problem is we talk about everything too much
we’re like 24 hour news networks
hear me out
we have too much time to kill talking about things
with nothing to really talk about
and it just gets us into trouble
Jeremy...
WatchStephen Colbert interviews the creator of Twitter
I love the Colbert Report but his interviews are usually just him over doing his schtick to some guest attempting to push their book. On this night however Colbert makes Mr. Twitter look like even more of a douche than he already looks like. Colbert suggests the next step below Twitter is nothing at all, which I think is a little unfair, there’s...
The Boy Is Back In Town!
I apologize for my lackluster showing this semester. I’m sure one and all would check back here multiple times a day in anticipation of me sharing some new mind nuggets. Allow me to make it up to you now…
The semester thus far has pretty much been defined by The Game Show Network (GSN), College Government, and abstinence. The third an implicit result of the first two givens probably....
March 2009
4 posts
Nothing Ever Ends
It was going to take a lot to get me out of retirement, but then the day of 3/5-3/6 happened. The plan was to see Watchmen late at night after the theatre closed because a friend of a friend was a manager at the theatre, but you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men…
3/5/09
8:50 AM: Alarm goes off for class. I sit up in my bed and lean to shut it. I think to myself...
Who Wants to Lingo a Jeopardy?
jeremyonline:
I had a serious discussion with my apartment mates tonight about how the Game Show Network should rearrange its 11 PM - 2 AM programming block to better suit our taste in game shows.
COLLEGE
If anyone was curious we wanted more Jeopardy, less Family Feud and the vote was split on Wheel Of Fortune and Matchgame
February 2009
2 posts
Since the end of the winter break I’ve been trying to think of something similiar to the way at Club Trillion, Mark Titus used to count the number of #34 jerseys he saw. I want either a counter, or a reoccuring segment, something along those lines. I thought about posting the latest bets I made, but now that the football season is over I don’t really make any bets. I could post my...
Carpe Diem
So I decided that I’m going to try and make a conscious effort to post about once a week here. If for no other reason than to keep my rhetorical skizzles fresh.
Over the weekend I got an email from the Binghamton Postal Service that I had gotten a package, and spent the weekend trying to figure out what it was. After picking it up just now I found it to be from my sister. Inside was the...
January 2009
18 posts
Cookies and sex differ in the way that cookies are generally better the softer they are, while sex is generally better the harder you are.
So Long Bayside
In about an hour I depart for Binghamton for the start of the Spring 09 semester. I slacked off on my posting duties in the last couple of weeks for two reasons mostly. One, my internal debate about blogging swung back towards “Blogging is a bastardization of everything writing should be, a means of cheapening communication and another way to avoid human contact.” And yet I continue...
Sick Day
I’m sick on this snowy MLK Day. After playing enough Call Of Duty to make myself believe I could singlehandedly storm the Reichstag and sitting on the warm radiator watching the pristine WHITE snow try and take away from the good reverend’s day (For shame snow, for shame) I laid down on the couch with my laptop. Unsure of what to write here because all I had done today was cough up...
Boo's Big Break
Nate once famously said of my brother and me, “You’re photoshopping geniuses. It comes so natural to you guys. That, text messaging and gay sex.” As a slight correction I don’t have photoshop. I struggle along with the old PC standby, Paint. It’s not sexy, but it has lead to some of the greatest creations of the young 21st century. In my time I’ve created...
A MOM-ent For Self Reflection
I heard people bitching about my lack of posting lately. I’ve seen the interwebs buzzing with rumors that I was washed up and past my prime. I’d like to address those people now…
Apparently my mom caught up on the last couple of entries here and took exception to the one centering around her “use” of facebook. She jokingly threatened to start her own blog where she...
Boredom Takes Hold...
Just some random stuffs from this afternoon:
allisons:
“Did you know that FX has changed its afternoon programming annd has replaced King Of The Hill with The Bernie Mac Show? First Obama and now this :(”
— Zachary…who else, really? What gems.
^Aren’t I hilarious? I seriously am distraught over this revelation though.
^ Youtube has a frighteningly good bead on the person I...
Auditory Hijinx
I love parallelism. I like it in literature, I like it in cinema, (I could shoot out 5,000 words easily on the amazing use of it in “The Departed”) and I like it in life. So it’s only fitting that I started my week with the exploration of a facial cavity (mouth) and that I ended my week with the exploration of a facial cavity (ears). I trekked over to the...
6 tags
Revolution In The Bronx
I know my tone is usually light and message fairly, if not completely pointless, so I’m giving fair warning to anyone who can’t handle seriousness (Kenneth) look away. This week a number of teachers at my former high school, The Bronx High School of Science, quit as a result of the administration. This is not a new problem. The faculty and administration have been at odds with each...
Oral Hygeine-x (Hijinks)
Yesterday, as devoted readers already know I had to return to the dentist to get a cavity filled. Devoted readers and those who know me, also know I can be an awkward person. When an awkward person is put in an awkward situation things get exponentially worse. I submit for your approval, Return To The Dentist.
Things started out alright. I didn’t wait long to be seen, an attractive, young...
Parents Just Don't Understand
The title of this post is stolen from a weekly segment on Collegehumor, run by a girl I have an unexplainable crush on. That’s neither here nor there though, the title was just appropriate for today’s subject matter.
Lately a lot of my friends’ parents, friends of my parents, older relatives, and most specifically my mom have created facebook accounts. In her defense she...
"They Liked Me So Much I Gotta Come Back...
I’m going to start with a plug. —-> http://clubtrillion.blogspot.com Mark Titus is the 12th man on the Ohio State basketball team and does his own blog. He’s a junior in college and partly my inspiration for starting to write here. It’s definitely worth reading if you have time (after reading my thoughts).
Sunday lead to a Father-Son-Bonding-Lunch at a restaurant by the...
A Day In The Life
I have answered the calls of my acolytes and given my people a voice through a website that allows for blog commenting. I know my readership has jumped to double-digits and I hope the dozen of you that frequent the site take full advantage of commenting. I enjoy writing here, but it’s all for you guys really. I discovered a way to keep myself busy during down time without issue when I was about...
Comments
The blog faithful can now comment thanks to Jeremy. That’s two references for Jeremy in two different blogs in the same week!
Yellow Snow, Blue Women, Gang Violence, and Bro...
Twenty-aught-nine started off with all of the action and drama Valkryie so greatly lacked. After getting out of the shower my brother eagerly alerts me I should have the camera ready. Excited for the first shenanigan of 2009 I follow him around for 10 minutes before he gets annoyed and tells me he’ll come get me when it’s ready. I start making plans for dinner (By the time I was awake...
Grandparents Say The Darndest Things
New Years Eve went surprisingly well, especially after my grim forecast from earlier. Nothing to really say about it though, just wanted to share a couple of things.
(While on the phone)
Poppy: I was supposed to go with a seniors group from my building tonight for the new year but it’s too cold out.
Me: Oh really?
Poppy: Yeah, we were going to go out to watch the balls drop, but since...
December 2008
12 posts
"If You Don't Expect To Much From Me You Might Not...
I’ve been listening to Hey Jealousy by Gin Blossoms pretty much non stop for the last couple of days. I don’t really know why. I heard it waiting at the McDonalds Drive Thru and it’s just been in my head. Moving On…
“Give it a rest, trying to turn this night into anything more than it is, which is new years eve, which is the biggest single let down of a night every...
What Is The Moral Of A Story Without Morals?
Let me start off by saying I’m now critically acclaimed:
Bonnie Dortch Moskowitz wrote at 10:12pm
I enjoyed reading your blog!!!!!!!!!exclamation point
The last two days have been endless trips to and from Manhattan with sleep scattered throughout. Friday was Ali’s Birthday party in the city (I suppose she gets a shoutout because she’s probably the biggest fan of this....
My Christmas Gift To You!
Christmas day if you’re jewish is a weird day. There’s no reason it should be a day out of the ordinary for us, but it is. My mom has already declared that it’s Christmas Day so we should go celebrate it with Nanny. I get the sentiment, but at the same time I don’t. As I’m writing this my friend Ben just texted me, “Happy Thursday.” I think that sums up this day to us as a people best.
Last night...
I Can Never Say The N-Word Again
While in the middle of summing up the events of Chanukkah, The Met and Dinner(s) the N key broke off my keyboard. I tried to soldier on but it was annoying. Then I broke off the little rubber pressy thing and things took a turn for the worse. I’m off to try and solve this conundrum and possibly see a movie. Hopefully I’ll figure out how to remedy this situation and finish this up...
DISCLAIMER
I’m not going to say I have a following, but I do know that there is about 5 people to my knowledge that read what I write here. Most of said people I speak to on a daily basis, but either way I want to make it abundantly clear that I’m not making fun of my family or any friends mentioned here. (Except for the cats because they’re just a bunch of pussies!!! Oh me!) The openess...
Morning Update
I woke up not so with it this morning. I think this was partly hangover from my friend Fudge’s surprise party in B-More last night, partly having to drive home listening to my friend Marc call his friends from Queens and let them know he was SHHHWASTED 5 times, partly due to having my bladder burst waiting for my brother at the train station at 2 AM (which did lead to a lovely conversation...
CVS Trip - Failure
I only agreed to accompany dad to CVS because I needed to get lighters as part of a joke gift for tonight. However I couldn’t find any and my dad didn’t help saying, “I don’t know if I condone that I’d be supporting you smoking. What would you be buying next…” I walked away at that point and didn’t catch the end of what I am sure was a wildly clever...
Yes We Can!
Last night was interesting? I know “interesting” is the cop out word but in this case I am copping out. I saw “Yes Man” under duress. It certainly wasn’t the worst movie ever, but it was on the wrong side of the 50th percentile. I just found it ironic that the moral of the movie was if you take chances on things you don’t want to do, good things will happen. I didn’t want to see “Yes...
Moment of Clarity
I was ready to stop doing this because even I couldn’t see the merit in randomly posting stupid internet videos complete with a pithy comment. If I thought it was a waste of time anyone reading it probably agreed. The problem was there was no direction or focus, but upon returning home last night it hit me…my family. Personally I believe everyones family is as comical, zany and...
“You know what I always say. When you plan ahead you’re prepared for when...”
– Hank Hill
CC Sabathia
160 million over 7 years, up from 140 million over 6 years. I guess CC wanted a logical number like half of his weight. Overall it’s not awful…the Yankees need starting pitching and Pinstripes will be slimming for CC…so win-win. Also when you think that the Yankees just got through paying Giambi 120 Million over 7 years, it can’t be money worse spent than that? Right?...
Blog?
There’s been an internal struggle brewing in me for a couple of months whether I should start doing this. The pros were along the lines that people seem genuinely interested and amused by most of my online antics. The cons centered around the fact that I am generally selective in regards to what I say and do, keeping my success rate high, and this would ruin that. In the same way a lot of...